Well Ladies, it has officially been one week since Emily arrived in Dominica, solidifying that this is the farthest apart we have ever been from one another. After months of preparing for this stretch of time that would undoubtedly be difficult, here we are. How do you feel?
OK, I'll start. ;)
When I allow my emotions to take over, I feel devastated. How did we turn into the kind of family that lives so far away, that only gets to see each other on special occasions or holidays? I suppose somewhere deep down I always knew our kids wouldn't grow up down the street from each other. Before I had Addie I never thought that was something I would want. I will confess to you here, in the safety of this space that now, I can't think of anything I want more.
I want our kids to count their cousins among their closest friends. I want them to know their aunts and uncles and count you as their second mommies. My biggest fantasy is that any night of the week I could tuck my babies into bed, give Curt a big old kiss as he settles in to watch his favorite show, grab a bottle of wine, throw on my slippers and trot a few doors down to crash on one of your couches and chat the night away.
Alas, that is not our reality.
When I supress my hormone saturated emotions and allow my brain to logically sort through our situation, I am proud of us. We have followed the paths that God laid out for us. We refused to be frozen by the fear of independence and we branched out, reached out, soared into uncharted territory... We have grown up. Somehow, miraculously through the greatest grace of God, we grew up, but not apart.
Now we find ourselves with incredible husbands and fufilling lives in completely different places... Geographically and in many other ways as well. Still, even though we boast a variety of political convictions, artistic talents, hopes for our futures and present circumstances, we are undoubtedly each other's closest friends. Not many siblings out there can say that and truly mean it.
So no, I can't have impromptu wine-fests on your couches whenever I'd like and I can't send my girl over to play on afternoons when I really need a break, but I have something that in so many ways is so much better. I have the endless comfort of knowing that even farther out there I have sister soulmates. Women who love, support, respect and know me for who I really am. Women whose love for my daughter rivals all but my own. Women I have spent my life with who will always be there no matter what--no matter how we are separated.
At least for now, we have to schedule conversations and share laughs and stories over webcams. I still hold onto my fantasy and pray that God has that in mind for us someday as well. Until then, here we are. Let's make the most of it and create a space that's just for us... Who knows where it will lead.