Pity party

Today I really miss you two. Not just like the normal missing, but the I want to sit and cry because I'm by myself and I don't want to be kind of missing...

Kate, I'm sorry I was such a grump on the phone last night. Doing my nails makes me uber crabby these days but it saves us money and keeps my hands from looking like those of the crazy witch from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves with Kevin Costner circa 1991. Are you too young to remember that movie? When Alan Rickman was young and less wrinkled, but also less sexy...

Em, I can't stop thinking about the conversation we had on Saturday. It was so very real and I'm proud of us for being vulnerable and honest about such a personal and scary topic. One of these days I hope we get the courage to share it... maybe in this space. On another note--Where are you??? WTF is up with your internet connection??? I need to have a chat with whoever schedules these "tropical waves" and work something out... Hmmm... I guess that would be God. I don't think threats and ultimatums work so well with Him. Must find another way.

I think part of why I'm feeling sad is that we're desperately trying to figure out how to get to the cabin this year. Even though it will be fun, it won't be the same without either of you there. I keep thinking that Addie is going to be old enough to make a house out of the floor cushions and pretend that one of those wooden tables is a horsey... And you won't be there. She will probably try and reach the paddles on the paddle boat and climb the ladder on the raft only to immediately jump off the side, over and over and over again. And I will laugh my big preggo ass off and my heart will hurt all the same because you won't be there.

As I type these words I feel like I'm being so overdramatic and silly. It's just this one summer, right? It's not like we'll never have those times up at the lake all together. Of course we will. And we will take tons of pictures and videos and share the memories with you from afar. But damn, it would be sweet if we could all be there now.

Sigh. Alright, enough. Pity party over. Time to get up, belly first, and go knock a little Sense and Sensibility into myself. Maybe a pretend make-out session with Col. Brandon will be just the ticket to pull me out of my funk! Oh don't laugh... you know you've thought about it too.

1 comment:

  1. Sara, I do remember that movie (one of my favorite soundtracks btw) and any amount of crazy is worth avoiding having nails like Mortiana (I think that was her name...) I've been trying really hard NOT to think about how we won't be at the cabin this year. Thinking about all of those wonderful Addie moments that we'll miss makes my heart ache, too... but then I remember that it's only one year. We will have SO MANY more years up there together with many more kids, too!!! Next year it will be big 3 year-old Addie and little almost 1 Helena. Perhaps the year after they will have a new baby Kaiser cousin - who knows?!?! The important thing to remember is that while we are absolutely allowed to have our sad "I miss my sisters" moments, we need to remember the big picture - if for no other reason than to preserve our sanity and emotional health - that it's only a matter of time until we see eachother again, and in those moments when we are together, all those moments we were apart cease to exist.

    p.s. only 6-7 weeks until I'll see BOTH OF YOU!!! We're going to come to Indy/Cincinnati/Lexington the second week of August so get excited